October 22, 2009

How I Wish, How I Wish You Were Here

I was chatting the other day with an old friend via instant messenger. This friend knows me to my core; this friend probably knows me better then I know myself. Some of my most brilliant moments and hellish nightmares--this person knows it all.  They were most likely there.

I have lived, for many years now, with large, gaping voids in my life, and for the first time ever I can feel myself filling them without even trying. I am filling the voids with things that are important to me.

Things like my marriage; which for years I struggled to hold important to my life because at times I wasn't allowed to.  By no fault of my own, and at times by my own fault. Those struggles are so far from today that I feel as though they were those of another. I no longer get twisted by situations that used to twist me because I wasn't secure enough in myself or my husband. I am.

Filling voids with family. Spending time with Jakob without a zillion other things on my mind. Learning how stinkin’ funny the kid is and how smart he is. Watching him wake up in the morning and grab for his Magna Doodle to practice his letters. Realizing that I do LOVE spending any spare second I have with him and for the first time in my life finding myself wishing I was home with him more.

Why this change over the last year or so? Many things I imagine.

Love. Friends. Family. Faith. Life.

I am good, thanks for asking.

No comments: