May 11, 2010

Never Alone

Spanky & the Gang

I went crazy this morning.  Like, really, like lost my shit, had to leave work crazy.

After a week and a half of whatever flu/cold thing-a-ma-gigg that has swept through this house, twice; the house being a mess, complete with dishes stacked in the sink and crumbs in the carpet; to clean laundry thrown about everywhere coupled with a stressful work situation, friends in the hospital, the constant beckoning from Jakob..."mom, I'm thirsty", "I'M DONE!" or "but I WANT to play the Xbox before school", I went completely bat shit crazy this morning.

I fought with Aaron on the phone, not trusting his word and throwing about accusations like it's my job.  I had to pull over on the side of the road because I couldn't see because I was sobbing.  Past guilts, past angry feelings, past hurts set in.  I was a mess.  Wallowing and whining about how I never have ME time, how I work my fingers to the bone outside AND inside my home.

Aaron came home, he had gone to the park to clear his head.  We talked.  I felt better.  He left for work.  I sat down on the couch, in the quiet of my living room, all by myself and opened this picture I had been tweeking and thought about how much I really don't like being alone.  "Me Time" is for the birds, and I miss mine when they aren't around.

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